|
 
Nov 2006 ~ Jan 2007
1990 ~ Director: Alain Robak
Anchor Bay
 Poor Yanka (played by the curvaceous Emmanuelle Escourrou) has a small problem. The female circus performer has been impregnated by a serpent-like creature who is a demon and wants to return to our world as a human. She neglects, but with the demon inside her (and talking to her, no less!) insists that if she does not kill the men who are after her body and drink their blood, that he would rip her apart from the inside. Yanka is torn (no pun intended) between killing herself and the demon and letting herself live- but the demon lives as well.
This French film takes on plenty of issues. Demonic ruling, abortion, suicide, and murder. That said, there is enough to satisfy any gorehound as the blood quotient is very high and very wet. You can immediately see that Rosemary's Baby was a monstrous influence in the making of this film. It's almost the same film really. Only with gore, nudity, and you get to see the demon this time around.
Only available for the longest time on VHS in the states as The Evil Within, Baby Blood (directed by Alain Robak) was shorn several minutes of extra dialogue almost all the important gore scenes. And a little-known rumor to some is that Gary Oldman voiced the demon in the English version. Actually, Jennifer Lien did the voice. Probably making its call to The Exorcist since Mercedes McCambridge voiced the more than possible male devil.
The DVD is presented bare bones with just the trailer as an extra. The picture is about as good as you are likely to see at a 1.85:1 ratio. One negative is at some point in chapter 9, the DVD switches languages from English to French for a brief period. The DVD lacks greatly in extras as this is one film that is screaming for some; because I know I was screaming for some myself. But give the film a chance anyway, you'll be happy you did.
B+ -Rich Caron
2001 ~ Director: Teruo Ishii
Panik House
Okay, I'm going to get straight to the point on this film because I feel adding any kind of prologue would only add to the torture that is Blind Beast vs. Killer Dwarf.
According to the film, of what I could gather anyway, a "Blind Beast" (Hisayoshi Hirayama) kidnaps famous actress Ranko Mizuki (Mutsumi Fujita) while a "Killer Dwarf" (Little Frankie aka Ritoru Furankii) runs around with loose body parts for his macabre circus. The "Blind Beast" gives deep body massages and covers them in plaster so he can add their bodies to his house, which is covered with arms, legs, breasts, and faces. Not to mention a giant moving mouth with working tongue! Why? Nobody knows. But the people who notice that the great Ranko is missing want him to stop.
The "Killer Dwarf" on the other hand just goes about his business with body parts and has almost no connection with the "Blind Beast" at all. Are you understanding any of this? Because I was lost for about 95% of the film.
This is truly a travesty of a film. Shot on Super 8 video, "Legendary Director Teruo Ishii", obviously had nothing left in the tank when he made this turkey. Apparently, he made some noise back in the `70's creating the Pinky Violence films. The direction is strewn in about 10 different directions, the acting is high school level at best, and the violence is 'spray on the wall' variety with phony looking limbs to give that completely cheap look and feel. What few sets there are happen to be embarrassingly bad as they look like they were made on the spot.
What it does have going for it, amazingly enough, are the "Blind Beast" and the "Killer Dwarf" themselves. They are truly a disturbing sight as the director does have a history of using deformed people in his films (a-la Jodorowsky). It gives an almost surreal feel to the film and seeing the Dwarf, you almost feel sorry for him.
As for the DVD, the picture is full frame. Being shot on Super 8, the colors are naturally rich and boastful. There are behind the scenes, trailers, galleries, and more; though I sincerely doubt you'd care about any of it. On the cover, in big, bold letters, "Legendary Director Teruo Ishii's Final Disturbing Masterpiece" is proudly displayed. Sadly, I fell for it and my memory will pay for it.
To the readers, I feel like I should apologize for the rather abridged way I reviewed Blind Beast vs. Killer Dwarf. But there really is no other way to describe this cinematic mess. Being a reviewer has its perks, but it also has its drawbacks. And this was one of them.
D- -Rich Caron
2006 ~ Director: John R. Leonetti
New Line
 My first question is: Are psychological thrillers considered horror movies?
Wikipedia defines the genre as such: “A psychological thriller is a specific sub-genre of the wide-ranging thriller genre. However, this genre often incorporates elements from the mystery genre in addition to the typical traits of the thriller genre. The suspense created by psychological thrillers often comes from two or more characters preying upon one another's minds, either by playing deceptive games with the other or by merely trying to demolish the other's mental state. Sometimes the suspense comes from within one solitary character where characters must resolve conflicts with their own minds. Usually, this conflict is an effort to understand something that has happened to them.” The list of directors they offer as examples include: Brad Anderson, Dario Argento, Park Chanwook, David Cronenberg, Brian DePalma, David Fincher, Alfred Hitchcock, Satoshi Kon, Kiyoshi Kurosawa, David Lynch, Takashi Miike, Christopher Nolan, Roman Polanski, M. Night Shyamalan, and Shinya Tsukamoto.
With such an extensive list of directors, many of which are considered horror directors, then it is possible that a psychological thriller could be considered a horror movie.
Directed by John R. Leonetti whose directorial debut was Mortal Kombat: Annihilation - which I didn’t see but I heard I didn’t miss much - The Butterfly Effect 2 was neither psychological nor a thriller. While it's a fairly decent movie, I felt that there wasn’t any tension involved which is what drives movies of this type. I wasn’t sure if the main character (played by Eric Lively) was supposed to be the son of Ashton Kutcher or not; they never say and they mention the main characters father, so are you supposed to think he is or not? It’s all very vague. The whole sequel doesn’t make sense unless he’s related in some way.
What made the first movie work as a suspense was the situations were getting worse and worse each time Kutcher’s character changed the past, but in this movie I felt that the only thing that really sucked was this horrible accident which killed his girlfriend and friends. There were some other messed up things that happened, but the characters weren’t developed enough to make the viewer care one way or another. I felt the whole thing was rushed in order to drive the story and not enough time was spent getting the viewer into it.
On a whole, I feel that this movie is (A) not a horror movie, and (B) only good to catch on cable when nothing else is on. With that said, I give The Butterfly Effect 2 a...
C -Choppy
1988 ~ Director: Jon McBride
Camp Motion Pictures
Camp Motion Pictures has released a true oddity here. Cannibal Campout was a zero budget film that actually gained international distribution on the VHS market. Exactly how this came to be still baffles me. The film is true exploitation. It was made for zero budget and for maximum shock factor.
We've heard the plot a million times, a few kids go into the woods for a weekend of fun, enter a few backwoods maniacs, and a true gorefeast is underway. The over the top gore, apparently honed from a Tom Savini instructional video, in addition to retch-inducing performances, one of the corniest scores this side of Video Violence equals some memorable low budget nasty fun. The fact that the technical level is the same as Nail Gun Massacre should at least inspire a couple of people to get off the couch and try to prove they can do it better as almost everyone could afford to make this movie.
By any technical standards the movie is junk, but it is a nostalgic trip back to glory days of the early video boom allowing just about any platter-o-splatter to make it's way into the video store.
C- -Brant Johnson
1973 ~ Director: Walter R. Cichy
Media Blasters
 I guess I just don't "get" the appeal of most 1970's exploitation cinema, and Cop Killers only reinforces my tendency to invest time in other things.
Two typical thugs plan to make a quick buck selling coke to a dealer. They get stopped by border patrol police and kill all four cops. For whatever crazy reason known only to half-retarded criminals, Ray (Jason Williams, star of Flesh Gordon), the badder of the two, keeps drawing attention to himself and partner Alex, by killing people whenever the duo needs a different vehicle. Or killing cops when it might be easier to slip out the back door into an alley, etc. Or kidnapping someone. Or kidnapping and killing someone. Still, Williams plays jackass Ray with fervor, and the character is suitably loathsome.
Shot entirely on location in Tucson, AZ, Cop Killers was produced on a crazy low budget of $50,000 and shot on Super 16 before getting blown up to 35mm. The guerilla camera work is effective but not much more than that as the crew had most of its film experience in porn before this.
Although maybe Cop Killers should rightfully have vanished into obscurity, at the very least the Media Blasters team did a fairly commendable job on the technical aspects and extras (except the 2-image "gallery"). The package design and menu layouts are pretty snazzy; there is even a fairly informative interview with Williams, as well as a Williams commentary alongside Adam Trash, in which he recalls a good amount of minutiae surrounding the film. The original Cop Killers theatrical trailer is included, as well as trailers for a bunch of Media Blasters and Fangoria International releases. So, fans of Cop Killers, rejoice over a proper release of the film. As for me, I won't be watching it again.
C- -Mark Fields
1977 ~ Director: William Girdler
Media Blasters
 In 1976, director William Girdler let loose a film called Grizzly about an 18 foot bear terrorizing campers and rangers alike with devouring results. In 1977, Girdler returns to the forest campground with another 'nature run amok' film, Day of the Animals.
The opening narration reveals that the use of spray cans have started to wipe out the earth's protective ozone layer and the harmful rays of the sun will have a dire effect on us and the planet. Somehow, this has already affected the animals all over the world. Forest Ranger tour guide Steve Buckner (Christopher George) allows a group of guests at the camp to go hiking in the Northern California mountains, unbeknownst to him and the guests that things are about to go awry; despite momentary warnings on television and radio. The guests range from wealthy woman with kid to an ex-football player. They all enjoy thenselves when the promise of food at the top of the mountain is destroyed. The animals (bears, falcons, cougars, snakes, wolves, etc.) begin hunting down the hikers one by one with ferocious intent. Everyone begins to panic when Buckner continues to get things wrong and his plans foiled by the savage beasts. Will anyone make it out of the wilderness alive? How can the animals be stopped?
I know this all sounds too ridiculous to be taken seriously, and quite frankly, you can't. However, Leslie Neilsen's performance is so over the top and outrageous, that you are likely to forget he is Lt. Frank Drebbin from The Naked Gun series. His character is an asshole of the highest order. He is, in essence, the man you love to hate. I never knew the old man had it in him. He even attempts to rape a girl! And not a fart sound within miles!
As for the DVD, there are 2 versions of the film; the original made-for-TV version and the theatrical version. The tv version is clearer with cleaner print. The theatrical isn't as such. Not much varies between the films in terms of footage. Extras include commentary, interviews, trailers, and a small gallery. The picture is soft and a bit grainy. But what do you expect from a film from 1977? Day of the Animals has the look and feel from something like Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom in every scene. It's a nostalgic look at filmmaking from a director that was taken from us way too soon, for Girdler seemed to have a knack for making films like this. And if this isn't your cup o' tea, then at least see it for Leslie Neisen's performance. For it MUST be seen to be believed.
B -Rich Caron
2005 ~ Director: Neil Marshall
Lions Gate
Spelunking. Sounds like a sex term if you're not familiar with it. Its basically exploring a cave. Alone or in a group, caves can be pretty scary when you don't know where you are going. Dark, cold, and wet. Especially you don't know what to expect at any given time. Worst of all is if something is down there with you.
That idea ties in great with the film The Descent. Six women of rather athletic attributes are gearing up for a weekend of cave dwelling. Leader Juno (Natalie Mendoza) promises a great trip like they have never had before. Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) being a little hesitant being on the first anniversary of her husband's demise decides this is just what she needs to move on in life. Not only are they blocked off inside the cave from a rockfall, but Sarah notices something other than them are in the cave. A cave that no one has been in before. Suddenly, the girls are surrounded by a terror that refuses to be seen in the light. Something crawling around in the dark. Their only use of sight without being seen is the night vision on a camcorder that one of the girls brought along to film their quest. The girls are picked off one by one till one is left standing. Who are they? What are they? How will the girls survive?
The Descent is a film that was released in its native England in 2005 and came to the US the following year to rave reviews by critics and fans alike. Director Neil Marshall knows how to direct a film. Anyone who has seen Dog Soldiers would know that. Somehow, he is able to bring the right amount of action with blood. And speaking of blood, the film is very bloody, so its sure to satiate the most avid gorehound. Now because The Descent stars half dozen women, this will disappoint those that are looking for a six way lesbo labiafest. There is no nudity in this film; so nudity fans...watch out! The English dialect can throw you off a little bit, but you should be able to get back right on track in no time.
The DVD itself is a treasure trove of goodies with two commentaries, deleted scenes, docus, stills, interviews, and trailers. The picture is 2.35:1 widescreen with 5.1 Dolby Digital and Surround EX audio. The film is about 90% in the dark and Lions Gate treated the DVD with an exceptional color treatment. No grain at all where you figured it would be. The blacks and occasional reds and oranges are vibrant with no bleeding. Lions Gate did a top notch job here, and Neil Marshall should be commended for making a film like this without male characters. Films like this are giving women characters their due; and its about time. A truly terrifying film with a killer climax, The Descent is a true knockout!
A+ -Rich Caron
1990 ~ Director: Frank Henenlotter
Unearthed Films
 Sort of like the old commercial where some dude accidentally dunked his chocolate in some other poor guy's peanut butter, the idea of combining the world's oldest profession with one of horror's first iconic legends seemed like a natural idea. That chocolate and peanut butter thing seemed to work out pretty well, and the prostitute/horror icon thing, I am glad to say, worked out better than that. Of course, I am referring to the great 1990 Frank Hennenlotter classic Frankenhooker.
Frankenhooker tells the tale of Jeffery Franken (James Lorinz) who wants to recreate his dead girlfriend Elizabeth (Penthouse Pet Patty Mullen), who got run over in a freak lawnmower accident. After whining for a while, he decides to go to Times Square to pick up the best hookers on the block with the help of some 'supercrack' he was to give to them after testing which girl would best suit his dead girlfriend. The girls get a whiff, so to speak, of this 'supercrack' and the hookers amazingly explode. Franken then takes the parts back to his house where he begins to choose which parts are the best for Elizabeth. A major lightning storm comes by and like the 1933 classic, Elizabeth is magically transformed into the hideous, yet stunningly still sexy Frankenhooker. Only problem is that now Elizabeth talks like a hooker; "Wanna date? Got any money?". Elizabeth then takes a trip to Times Square and let's just say that wacky hijinks ensues for the rest of the film. Very wacky hijinks.
This film is pure New York. It's probably the final movie that shows the real dinginess of 42nd St., as comical as it is. James Lorinz's deadpan delivery as Jeffery Franken is spot-on perfect. If you have seen Jim Muro's Street Trash, you'd know how amazing Lorinz is as the smartass doorman. It's too bad he never really got past these films because he is really a very talented actor with a knack for comedy. Patty Mullen as Elizabeth is pretty good and her acting is straightforward and believable. Even though it doesn't take much talent to play a Franken-monster, as Bela Lugosi can testify. The director even brings in some actors that he has worked with before such as Zacharle, Jan Saint, Beverly Bonner, and Vicki Darnell to give that 'homey' feel.
But the true star of this film is the director Hennenlotter, whose brain seems to be made from some psychedelic wet dream. Where he comes up with half this stuff, I'll never know, but I am almost positive that his Times Square experiences throughout his life had to have some involvement. After feeding us Brain Damage and Basket Case 1 + 2, I guess he wanted to show just how outrageous he can really get. Given all the exploding hookers you'd expect a gorefest, but not a drop of blood is shown in the film. Though the nudity is almost wall to wall. Boobs and asses as far as the eye can see.
The Frankenhooker DVD is busting with extras such as commentary, interviews (Jennifer DeLora is now considered a personal fave), photos, and trailers. It's released anamorphic widescreen 1.85:1 in Dolby Digital 2.0. There is no grain and the colors are pretty good, if not too dark in certain areas. Nothing to worry about overall. Unearthed Films release of Frankenhooker outdoes, outperforms, and outhooks its DVD predecessor released in 1998.
If you're looking for blood, look elsewhere, for you won't find it here. If you're looking for nudity, you've come to the right spot. And if you're looking for a truly outlandish and original story, decent FX, and an ending to end them all, then you must get your hands on a copy of Frankenhooker. Just make sure you bring it back to Zorro on time!
A -Rich Caron
2005 ~ Directors: Andy & Luke Campbell
Tempe
Let's face facts. Gang movies are not horror films. Never have been, never will be. However there are a scant few that somehow slip through the cracks and can be regarded as a legit horror film. And you can thank the Campbell Bros., Andrew and Lucas, for making it happen in their film The Red Skulls.
Uri (Lucas Campbell), leader of the gang 'The Red Skulls', has decided to hang up the life of a gangbanger when one of his best friends gets killed by a rival posse. But dead friend's little brother Donnie (Knayte Lander) wants to join The Red Skulls so he can destroy the gang that killed his brother, The Rats. Enter two Red Skulls who break into a medical warehouse for drugs. One finds a red liquid and thinks it would go great with the drinks the Skulls would have in a pre-battle celebration. Problem is that the liquid changes the gangbangers into flesh hungry cannibals!
The Campbell brothers have a rather decent story on their hands and the execution is really not that bad. The only part of the story that could've used a jumpstart was why the red liquid changes you into a cannibal. Some backstory on the liquid would've helped. Shot on video, of course, you can only do so much. But they seem to have made it look pretty good on its obvious miniscule budget. The characters are fleshed out decently in some areas and the gore FX are good. And the gangbangers help the script, which is usually filled with alot of "fuck, shit, etc.," but here it works. The music is an interesting choice of surf punk with a country-rock mix with it and even has GASPetc faves Gein and the Graverobbers! The acting is believeable; but up to a point.
The DVD is a full screen presentation with extras such as a commentary, behind the scenes, makeup FX, outtakes, music videos and trailers. While not a scary film, it is gory. The Campbell brothers cut their teeth on an interesting premise and I actually feel that if given the right opportunity, this could be a much bigger film.
C+ -Rich Caron
2006 ~ Director: John Shiban
Warner Bros.
 Don't you hate it when you rent or even blind buy a DVD with pretty good cover art and a decent storyline, only to want to hurl the DVD back at the cashier in hopes it gets lodged in his head? That's how I felt after watching Rest Stop. Or it should be commonly known as "The Year's Worst Horror Film". Be prepared, as this is going to sting just a bit.
Rest Stop tells the tale of two 20-somethings Nicole (Jaimie Alexander) and Jess (Joey Mendicino) running away from Texas to start their lives together in California. During their trip, they got word that the place that they were to be staying isn't happening anymore. They park at a rest area to get themselves situated. Nicole goes to the ladies room only to return with her boyfriend gone as well as the car. At first, she thinks it just a prank, but then comes along a guy in a yellow and white truck (whom they ran into earlier in the film) who stalks and begins to fuck with her head. The officer (played by Joey "WHOA!" Lawrence) eventually appear only to have damaging consequences. The man terrorizing her is a complete enigma as we don't know who he is or what his motives are.
Will Nicole and Jess make it out alive? I'm not telling. But I will tell you this - Rest Stop is a complete piece of shit. The characters are so unbearably annoying, that you want everyone dead. There's even a family in a Winnebago with non-speaking twins and a photo-taking mongoloid that makes absolutely no sense at all. The storyline had a little promise, but the execution is terrible even beyond my words. Nicole is in certain situations that anyone would take advantage of, but yet she doesn't for some reason. Maybe its to pad out the 85 minute running time (on the Unrated version, no less!).
Anyway, even the camerawork sucks! It's a completely handheld film. And let me just say that I think someone needs to teach the cameraman how to use the zoom lens. Quivering, uneasy zooms and fade-outs are trying to give the impression that all sanity is lost. But what it really does is annoy and confuse the viewer. Even continuity isn't a factor. Nicole's sliced arm seems to have stopped bleeding with no bandages of any kind! And any other injuries she acquires in the film are given very little attention to. Bathrooms explode for no reason. People see other people who are or aren't there. It makes no sense!!! I was about ready to pull my hair out! I don't know what director John Shiban was thinking, but it certainly wasn't how to make this film better. And to top it all off, our heroine runs around in the last act in just her bra! Can a film get any more clichéd than this?
The only positive note worth mentioning is the enigma himself (notice I don't call him 'killer'). His work is dastardly, though not too bright. He does have an evil streak in him that is highly sadistic and can torture people very cruelly. Bloodthirsty and nasty, this guy deserved being in a better movie than this.
The DVD is presented in a matted widescreen format as this was made for the Sci-Fi network. It's joined by 3 alternate endings (none are any good), crime scene photos, family album (which makes even less sense), and a trailer. The colors are nice and sharp and the reds do pop out nicely among the browns and blacks with no grain.
This film has been created by a new affiliate of Warner Bros. called Raw Feed. It's hard to believe that they put money into this project because this is one bad apple! Its not a very good beginning for the upstart company as it wants to do all the right things, but it just takes the wrong turn at every single corner. Clichéd to the hilt, this is one Rest Stop you should pass without looking back.
F -Rich Caron
2006 ~ Director: Darren Lynn Bousman
Lions Gate
 The classic booby trap was brought to new heights in brutality in 2004 when James Wan directed Saw. Albeit with some terrible acting, Saw set a new standard in torture gameplay filmmaking. And with that, making the film's evil genius, the terminal Jigsaw (Tobin Bell), an instant favorite with horror fans worldwide. Saw II upped the ante with more elaborate torture devices envisioned by the devilish Jigsaw. Now director Darren Lynn Bousman returns from the first sequel to bring us the latest in stomach churning torture, Saw III.
Saw III picks up where part two left off. Amanda (Shawnee Smith) is now a student of Jigsaw, who is at his worst healthwise, and the duo are ready to unleash more bloody lessons on those who do wrong in life. Dr. Lynn Denlon (Bahar Soomekh) has been kidnapped by Amanda to help Jigsaw overcome the pressure that surrounds his brain. And to make sure she does, Amanda fits a collar around her neck which would explode if she tries to escape or remove it. Meanwhile, the vengeful Jeff Reinhart (Angus Macfayden) has also been kidnapped and needs to follow through a maze of others who are being tortured by Jigsaw in order to find out who killed his son in a hit and run. Amanda also plays a huge part in both of their lives as she is forced to make the biggest decision of her life.
Saw III is the most brutal of the series bar none. The devices used are almost poetic in their performance. They have a more encompassed look as these do damage to the entire body than just a part of it. Suffering? There's plenty of it, and it will satisfy gorehounds. Guaranteed. My personal favorite is what is simply called "The Rack". Trust me. You won't be disappointed. And blood does indeed shed. Quite a bit, in fact. But more than just blood - brains, entrails, bones, and really disgusting slime (in one particular scene promised to make you stay away from food for a while) are all over the place.
The thing that disappoints me about the Saw series, and I guess I have always felt this way (just never said it to anyone), is that it feels like an Americanized version of Kinji Fukasaku's Battle Royale. A "game" to be played with dire consequences if you don't follow through. The collar worn by the doctor goes off exactly like in Battle Royale. Time limits, the whole shebang basically. But I guess this whole point is neither here nor there. You take Saw III for what it is; a splatter fan's delight! The acting has gone up considerably from the first film. And an interesting idea by bringing back some of the old characters from the previous films is a nice touch. As well they should because they all tie into the plot of Saw III. A bit of a plot hole comes up when you wonder how Jigsaw sounds so healthy on the microcasettes, yet has failing health throughout the film.
The unrated DVD packs a torturous punch by once again limiting the extras. But if history has taught us one thing, its that some months down the road, a 2 DVD set of Saw III will hit the shelves. The film is presented in a 1.78:1 widescreen format with 5.1 Dolby Digital sound. The extras include three commentaries, diaries, deleted scenes, a look at the traps and props, and trailers. Sounds like more than plenty, but its really not. The traps, props, and diaries amount to a total of a little more than 17 minutes. And that, to me, is real torture!
Saw III promised to deliver the goods, and made well on its promise. The gore factor is extremely high and that saying something for even this MPAA-lax era we are lucky to have found ourselves in. Saw III is a treasure...but just for the gore.
B+ -Rich Caron
1993
Warner Bros.
 The Cryptkeeper has returned for another season filled with bad puns from horror's favorite Muppet. And boy, does he lay it on thick. Some of his jokes are reaching so far, you could end up breaking your own arm trying to catch them. But the Cryptkeeper is only a small part of this series. There are also the stories as well. And the stories here are awesome, though I did feel at times that I wasn't watching TFTC, but some short film that was like a version of TFTC-lite.
In past seasons, I could envision what the panels would look like in comic form. Here, there were plenty that made me not have that feeling at all. And that's a shame because it's part of the fun of the entire series. But this isn't to say that the stories are no good. Au contraire mon fraire. These 13 stories are gory, witty, vibrant, and just plain fun to watch. The only one that didn't keep me riveted was the episode Half-Way Horrible.
Now let's talk about the extras. Virtual Comic Book of the episode Death of Some Salesmen. Pretty much sums that up. I don't know why we can't get some interviews about the making of these short films. Is Ernie Hudson really that busy? Oh well. At least the episodes rock. The series is presented in the original aspect ratio for television and packaged nicely. I prefer the slimcases rather than the gatefold jackets. It just looks more uniform.
The Cryptkeeper, though reaching, is still good for a hearty chuckle or two beginning & ending each episode with his usual flare. I just wish Warner Bros. would get some extras going. It isn't too much to ask.
B+ -Rich Caron
2006 ~ Director: Jonathan Liebesman
New Line
 I had a friend who often said how cool a movie about Leatherface's backstory and how he came to don the now infamous mask would be. An interesting premise for sure, but in stepped Hollywood to water it all down for the masses.
Sure, this prequel to the remake (still with me?) following saw-wielding Leatherface and his family of inbreds does have today's standard of gruesome moments courtesy of KNB EFX (especially in this unrated version - think cow on highway meets runaway jeep), but they're bogged down within a story that moves like a mastodon through a tar pit.
Upon the closing of the local slaughterhouse, adopted giant Thomas Hewitt (who we coincidentlly see being born in the same facility) loses all meaning in his life and turns the basement of his home into a makeshift butcher shop. You can pretty much figure out what happens from there, but unless you've seen the 2003 film, chances are good you won't have a bloody clue who any of the meandering background characters are. Director Jonathan (Darkness Falls) Liebesman fails miserably at making any attempt at giving us insight into the "Tea Lady" or "Monty" or, come to think of it, "Leatherface" really, so what's the point of a film tagged "The Beginning"?
The story borrows many more elements from the 1974 classic than did the 2003 "re-envisioning" - a dinner scene & the heroine's jump through a window come to mind first - but are slapped together with such carelessness that you'll pray that the movie ends that much sooner.
It's also necessary to point out how much older the great R. Lee Ermey looks in this film compared to the remake; so much so that it was difficult to maintain what was on screen is supposed to come years earlier. Furthermore, the ass-kicking patriot inadvertently manages to knock any scare out of the film by referring to Leatherface as "Tommy". I could even hear Bryniarski groan.
Contained on this DVD presentation are Alternate Takes (including 3 more crap endings), an Audio Commentary and a 45 minute / 5 segmented behind-the-scenes documentary called Down to the Bone, with standout being KNB's "Carnage Unleashed" (which happens to be much more interesting than the movie itself).
This film is nothing more than a rushed mess to make a buck that shamefully honors none of the Chainsaw legacies you choose to follow.
D -Mike Baronas
1986 ~ Director: Tobe Hooper
MGM
 Back in 1974, Tobe Hooper created a film that will forever stand the test of time - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The film even has a place in the Museum of Modern Art; a lofty position for a film about a family of men cannibalizing their victims while one persues them with a running chainsaw.
Fast forward 12 years to 1986. Our director - after theatrical bombs such as Lifeforce and Invaders from Mars - decides to go back to Texas to continue the story of Leatherface and clan in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. And unless you've been living under a rock for the past 20 years, you as horror fans had to have seen this by now. For the uninitiated, allow me to enlighten you.
Since the end of the first film, the opening narrator informs us that Sally Hardesty-Enright was committed to a wacko farm and the farmhouse where her living nightmare took place could not be found; with killings still happening. After a great opening sequence that shows off Tom Savini's amazing FX, we are treated to Stretch (Caroline Williams) who works as a DJ at a radio station who recorded the phone call that two yuppies made while the aforementioned sequence was going down. Enter relation to Sally Hardesty, Lt. Enright (Dennis Hopper) who returns to Texas to track down the cannibalistic family and erase them once and for all. Leatherface is back (Bill Johnson) and so is The Cook (named Drayton Sawyer played by TCM original Jim Seidow). But also, there is new member Chop-Top (Bill Moseley) who has a metal plate on his head from and injury during his time in Vietnam.
The super sweet FX by Savini are really some of his best work. How he came up with half this stuff, I'll never know. The storyline is played with vicious black humor as this is more played for laughs than it is for terror. Leatherface this time has turned rather soft and even finds a love interest! He comes across as being kinda goofy. And does the "dance" a little bit too often. The Cook (whose overbite is a laugh in and of itself) is awesomely funny and is a real treat to watch. Lt. Enright is okay at best. If it weren't for his dial-tone personality, you'd root for him as he goes mano-a-mano with Leatherface in a scene that must be seen to be believed. But Chop-Top is what really saves this film. His character is so over the top, you'll wonder if the actor is really like that and his off-screen persona is his acting. I guarantee you'll remember at least four lines from Chop-Top before you finish watching this film once!
The funny thing about this film is that it represents what the original was so harshly accused of. Because this is an incredibly gory film. Not so surprisingly, not much uproar about its violence was stirred up. By then, the video age took care of the trouble as everyone was making their films as bloody as they can. Some cartoonish; some serious. But all very, very red. As for the DVD, MGM released a crisp anamorphic widescreen 1.78:1 transfer with a 5.1 DD Surround Sound. The reds are very clear and the blacks are very sharp. The earthy tones of brown and green are sharp as well. There are 2 audio commentaries, deleted scenes (which are the stuff of legend - particularly the jock/parking lot scene), a six part featurette, trailers, and galleries. My only beef is I wish Hooper participated in the featurette; but he can be heard in one of the commentaries.
All said, this is a very nice package with some great surprises. And Hooper really could've interacted a little more on the project. But a great re-release of a sequel to one of the greatest horror films of all time. Though TCM 2 is a good enough movie to stand on its own meaty legs.
A- -Rich Caron
1988 ~ Director: Fabrizio Laurenti
Media Blasters
 Ah, the glorious scent of Filmirage in the `80s! If any of the D'Amato fueled late cycle horrors sum up that particular subset of a sub genres appeal it would be Witchery. Part of the La Casa series (that also includes the fun Ghosthouse and even better Beyond The Darkness) cooked up by the producers-this is sex n' splatter and stupidity...with an “all-star” cast that delivers it all with great simple minded performances. First time director Fabrizio Laurentini goes all out on the splatter and skips the plot under D'Amato's firmly budgeted hand, and it makes a great Saturday Night EuroSplatter Showing.
Set on a little coastal island in Massachusetts, our cast of characters assembles very quickly. Linda Blair is pregnant and dreaming about some nasty witch hunt goings on as we get underway...only to find herself in a haunted house that her parents are looking to purchase. But wait, there is another couple on the island and that couple includes David Hasselhoff! The Hoff wants to get laid in the shade while his girlfriend (a virgin of course) takes photos about nasty legends and haunted houses. Good thing they found one. Add in the sexy Catherine Hickland (from Robowar and many soap operas in the US) as a real estate broker...and then let the fun begin.
See Linda Blair go down a drain into a hellish MTV styled whirlwind of death. Well, it is supposed to be something, but who knows. That is fun, but it is when the characters start getting mangled up that the movie snaps into high gear. The best known highlight is the slow roasted loud mouth treatment as one woman has her mouth sewn shut and then gets cooked in the chimney by her husband and friends. Yikes!
It all goes by fast enough and features the staples of the late 80's. Graphic violence, nudity (ah, and fine nudity at that), more gore and yep...music by the ever reliable Carlo Maria Cordio. If you are writing it off and love the splatter films of the early `80s of Fulci and crew-be sure to check this out. Maurizio Trani does the effects and even though the budget is low and the lighting is poor, he still can pull out the nastiest stuff on screen.
The DVD from Media Blasters is VERY interesting, if not a mixed bag. Letterboxed and what appears to be an over-matted transfer as compared to the (obscure, but available if you try really hard) Japanese pre-record of the film. It doesn't kill the film, but it is worth noting. What is more distracting to fans of the film is the new edition's wacked out color scheme. The movies of Filmirage are not a technical bunch by and large, and Witchery is a cheap film. Great, but not exactly A Scanner Darkly if you catch my drift. They want to just show the pretty pictures. The Japanese VHS looks as you would expect, but this new DVD is re-tinted to an unbelievable degree. The opening shots are golden and odd looking while it should simply look...well, like a person running on a beach. It affects a good portion of the film, but again, unless you are nuts for this film, you won't notice.
Given the fair price of the edition and the chance to have another previously hard to get (especially in this truly UNCUT version) Italian Horror on disc, I say it is a solid purchase. Some D'Amato trailers are included as a bonus, but these are on all of the Joltin' Joe flicks from Media Blasters.
B -David Zuzelo
1989 ~ Director: Jon McBride
Camp Motion Pictures
Woodchipper Massacre is certainly not the slaughterfest that Jon McBride's more well known Cannibal Campout is known to be. However, it is better than his first outing. The film plays off basically as a campier and more macabre version of Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead. The plot is nearly the same; a few kids are left with a wicked old witch of a babysitter, she ends up dying, and they cover it up. If you're a bit slow, yes, that's where the woodchipper comes in.
The humour is reminiscent of some hokey Leave It To Beaver-esque knock off. The no name ensemble's acting is truly cringe-worthy on almost all accounts. Jon McBride on as the big brother is the only exception as he elevates to the level of adequate. The film is shot on video for the direct-to-video market and technically no greater than say, Death By Dialogue or Blood Cult. The score is so painfully dated it's sort of embarrassing.
Woodchipper Massacre overall isn't by any means a good film, but it does manage to be entertaining and to those with a taste for a fun bad film, this is worth a try.
D+ -Brant Johnson
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